Misadventures and Misdemeanors

Probably Why I Don't Have A Girlfriend

I have this, perhaps wonderful but probably not so much, uncontrollable habit of experimenting with people I meet. Covertly dissecting them intellectually, emotionally. Maybe just observing them in their natural habitat, maybe discreetly putting them in certain situations and seeing how they react. I guess I try to see if the way they profess the world around them to be is actually the way the world around them is. I can’t help it. It just happens. I need to know things, things like what kind of person I’m really dealing with. You can’t trust a person to tell you who they really are because chances are they don’t know. You have to go in and poke them and prod them and see how they react. You have to step back and look at their subjectivity through objective eyes and watch their personal experiences as a detached observer and see what they take away from it all. You have to take pure unfiltered reality and put it through the distillery of their senses and see what comes out. People are beautiful, insane machines that will take the world around them and twist it and distort it to something it isn’t and hold that in their hearts and never even know that their reality isn’t real. You and me and a million other people can take the exact same experience and turn it into a-million-and-two different subjective viewpoints and go out into our lives and live and be influenced and influence others by those viewpoints. Humans are so amazing and fucked up. I have to poke. I have to prod. I have to figure out.

Subjectivity Is Like Art. Wait...

There is no bad art. There is art that appeals to you and art that does not appeal to you and that which appeals to you may not appeal to someone else and vice-versa. Art, being a purely subjective device of nothing but aesthetic value, can only truly be judged on how it makes you, the individual, feel. People who pass any artistic endeavor off as “bad” are really passing off other people’s subjective feelings as “bad” and are egocentric snobs. Yes yes, we all know this, this debate is nothing new. Most intelligent people I have discussed this with at length have already held or have come to the same opinion, that there is no bad art, and moreover, to state that a work of art should not have been created based on its subjective worth to you personally is a travesty against all art and even against creative thought itself.

I propose here that we extend this same courtesy to all purely subjective creative matter, particularly to humor. Let’s agree that there is no bad humor, there is humor that makes you laugh and humor that does not make you laugh, and that which makes you laugh may make someone else angry and vice-versa. And those of you who go around telling other people that this joke isn’t funny or that joke is inappropriate are egocentric snobs. Humor, like art, has the wonderful quality that if you don’t like it, you don’t have to pay attention to it. Let those of us who get pleasure out of the things you don’t care for live our lives without feeling the weight of your vanity. And if someone else finding aesthetic value in something that fails to provide the same to you causes your life to somehow be less than you hoped it would be, then you are destined for a wasted, pathetic existence and I would pity you, if I believed in pity.

I Crack Myself Up.

Real Life: A Play by Me

Act 84: In which Womankind stands over the all-but-lifeless body of Chivalry and continues beating it with a shovel while screaming “WHERE HAS CHIVALRY GONE?!? WHY IS CHIVALRY DEAD?!?”

An Odd Feeling

Today is the last day I will ever be in my twenties. It’s an odd feeling, not sad or regretful. The last decade was everything I could have wanted it to be. An odd feeling though, the sentimentality of it. All of my twenty-something adventures are now behind me. I’ll wake up tomorrow in my thirties and nothing will really be different. Still, tonight is odd.

Tumblarity == Dumb

I mean c’mon, Tumblr. I could make a bot that would accumulate astronomical tumblarity and nobody would even need to follow it. Shouldn’t this number actually mean something? Shouldn’t I feel like I’m doing a good job when my tumblarity is high? Let’s have a little effort, guys.

Hey, Remember When I Used To Write Stuff??

Yeah, those days were great.

...And Other Short Stories

Yeah, just what I fuckin’ need right? Another blog. This one is dedicated to short stories:
…And Other Short Stories
Also, it would be really cool to have some other contributors so if you want in let me know.